Michael R. came to see me wondering which of his lovers to choose. Even though Michael was an extremely attractive man to many possible suitors, Michael had chosen to remain celibate for a very long time even after he met his eventual lover, Peter. Michael was a very serious spiritual aspirant and wanted to make sure that he was not threatening his spiritual relationship with his beloved teacher. In fact, even after their relationship took on a sexual nature, Michael had always let Peter know that his spiritual life took precedence over any life that he and Peter might construct.
Initially Peter was a very worldly and also very attractive man who had engaged in many relationships, although uncommitted, before Michael and was quite worldly. However, he had so fallen in love with Michael that many of his previous carnal habits had fallen away and he became quite committed to Michael for a significant time. Michael even brought Peter to meet his spiritual teacher and for a time Peter also considered himself a devotee of Michael’s teacher.
After Michael’s teacher died, there was a separation felt in the relationship between Michael and Peter. Apparently, the existence of the teacher was enough to turn Peter away from his worldly life for a time, but not enough to sustain him after she died.
At first not truly aware that he was seeking a companion who shared more of his spiritual concerns, Michael entered into a close relationship with another man, Roger. And thus began an awkward threesome, all of them confused, wanting Michael as their sole partner and he, unable to totally commit to either of them. Each of them possessed qualities unique to each of them and separate from each other.
I chose a three card reading for Michael. The Two of Cups figured in the middle with the Lovers and Strength cards on the sides. I always give great focus to the center card. The center card shows the situation while the two cards on the sides amplify and elaborate the central meaning.
In Michael’s case, it showed him juggling two choices. Since the Two of Cups is a Minor Arcana, it showed a minor choice, perhaps similar to choosing between an apple or cherry pie. One might think this was not a serious consideration, but what it reflected was that Michael had somehow placed this choice in the back of his awareness, wanting to not be overwhelmed by what it portended.
However, the fact that the Major Arcana Strength and Lovers appeared showed me that the strength required to resolve this situation was enormous and relied upon the purity of Michael to attain beyond his desires, which is the true meaning of the Strength card. The figure in the Strength card is able to dominate the lesser energies reflected by the Lion by virtue of his idealism and purity. Similarly, the Lovers card showed that in order to resolve his quandary, Michael would have to look to a “higher authority,” as opposed to one of his relationships. It also speaks of whether or not he is ready to give up “duality” and rely on his Higher Power for the love that he seeks.
That Michael chooses this is truly up to him. He can stay for a while attempting to choose between two relationships, but in the end as I told him, he and these two relationships would remain in a large soup of confusion. Each partner reflected a part of Michael that he himself contained but sought outwardly. His job was to resolve the conflict by bringing each person’s attractive quality into himself. Doing so would indeed change the relationships in a significant way.
Michael asked for my spiritual advice. While I do not tell people what to do, I advised that while he might feel he is not able to take that next step towards the Divine, and renounce some of the emotional comfort he was seeking from these men, he might at least attempt to be as honest as possible with them. For that, Michael would of course have to become truly honest with himself.
Oftentimes, I have seen true spiritual aspirants bogged down by similar attachments, not necessarily with relationships but by other addictive behavior. It is not an easy choice to turn one’s total attention towards the Divine and involves an extraordinary renunciation which not all of us are called to do.
INTUITION IN ITS MOST HIGHLY DEVELOPED FORM
IS NOTHING LESS THAN THE VOICE OF GOD OR SPIRIT WITHIN.